Things My Baby Hates Already

Don't think too much into the title.  My baby and I have been getting along pretty well for the most part.  I have forgiven the (now 16) weeks of morning night sickness.  Each time I think that I am seeing a beautiful, shining light filled with glossy hair, glowing face and a perfect little baby bump - I find myself starring into the face of the porcelain God, and in that moment I know it's not over.  So, let's just dive into the things I can tell my baby already hates.

1. When I Eat - which is kind of rude considering that it is essential to life.  I think that baby Cross and I are finally making it and then one night, he/she is just like NOPE NOT THAT and here I am again, at the toilet.  It's really not fun.  Its' actually quite painful.  And now, it ends with tears and sweat and cursing.  Right when I think Buffalo Wild Wings will be okay (complete with an appetizer of fried pickles - because I'm pregnant) I learn that the baby STILL does not like chicken.

2. Field Trips - for all of you non-teachers out there you may be asking yourself: "WTF is she talking about?!"  Well, let me explain to those of you who can enjoy peeing at your leisure and going out to lunch on the reg.  First, let's start with the definition of said "field trips:"

Field Trips - a time when teachers are required to practice their counting skills (route numbers usually 1-25) in order to ensure the safety of all students.  It is a time when we practice only peeing possibly once through the entire day (if you're lucky) as long as you can find a willing and capable adult to also practice counting 1-25 repetitively until your return.  It is also faking enjoyment of said activity until the day is over, maintaining all emotional and mental breakdowns, swatting bees, opening capri-sun packages, and watching twenty 8-9 year old children gulp down the 20 oz. bottle of orange soda their parent decided to provide for lunch that day.

So, apply all of this to being pregnant and you have a: worn out, exhausted, crying, messy bun, has-to-pee, grumpy, overly-anxious pregnant teacher.  

Oh, and the baby HATES the smell of the turkey lunchables, kids.

3. Sleeping - I have heard "get your sleep while you still can!"  Right.  Well, this would be LOVELY if I could.  Between having to pee in the middle of the night (multiple times), having really weird dreams, panicking about the baby at all times and never feeling fully rested - I just don't see this "full-nights-rest" happening anytime soon.  In fact, I think it's a myth and doesn't really exist and I am fully preparing myself to never sleep again - f o r e v e r.

4. Overly Dramatic TV Shows - which end up with me having horrible dreams about Darius cheating on me with this girl I haven't talked to in 10 years.  Or, me crying about something about the baby.  OR - me dreaming that I have a baby and I have no clue what to do with it.

In a nutshell, over the course of 16 weeks and 4 days, these are the things I have determined my baby just does not particularly like.  We (baby and I) are hoping to change things in the near (very soon) future in order to ensure the mental happiness of both mommy and daddy.