Monday, May 8, 2017

Lincoln 7 & 8 Month Updates

Hello out there! It's been a hot minute - and I feel like I am saying that every time I come back from a hiatus. I really do love blogging, and I genuinely LOVE to write - it's been a creative outlet for me for quite some time now... but life gets in the way. And every time I tell myself that I am going to sit down and blog sleep, or a long, hot shower sound better. But - I DO plan on making HUGE improvements to my blog in the next couple of months so be on the lookout for that if you are a follower!

Being a working mom has been giving me a run for my money. I have a shit commute to work which takes up a good portion of my morning and evening. It should only take me twenty minutes to get to and from work, when it reality it usually takes me 45-60 minutes each way. With that being said, I am typically home with Lincoln by 5pm. I then rush to make dinner, wash bottles, load dishwasher, prep diaper bag for the next day, eat dinner, feed Lincoln, bathe Lincoln (every other night -- or two), get Lincoln to bed and then FINALLY sit down. By then it's around 8pm (just like it is now) and I am exhausted. I am hoping that this summer gives me more blogging opportunities.

With all that being said... let's jump into what Mr. Lincoln was up to in month 7!

Rocking back and forth on his knees
Saying "mama" and "dada" but he doesn't know what they mean
Watching Gus
Shaking things and throwing toys
Eating socks and shoes... kinda like Gus.

Being overly sleepy
Not being fed immediately

Wake up, daycare, two naps at daycare about an hour or more each apparently, home, play, dinner, bath (every other night), book, boob, bed.

Around 7 months we went in for an appointment and he was 17 lbs, 9.5 oz! He's a big boy! He definitely has my mouth, lips and eyelashes, but his amazing sky blue eyes and expressions seem to be a lot of Darius!

-Rocking back and forth
-Scooting backwards
-Starting to get his first tooth!

-Visit to a winery
-Puffs - we love Puffs!
-Visit to the National Arboretum 
-Run around the track 

-Teething sucks - he's grumpy, irritable and kind of just unpleasant to be around. I hate seeing him like that and I hate feeling like I am not helping.

Motherhood is hard but damn, it is rewarding! When can I get baby #2?

Now... the most exciting 8 month update!

Seeing Gus (although Gus is still not a fan)
Going outside
Going for runs in the stroller
Playing with his piano toy
Any toys that light up
Crawling all over the house 

Being over tired
Being overly hungry
Being in his car seat

Same as before - although his sleep as gotten much better since the tooth finally popped through! He usually wakes up at around 4-5am after sleeping since 7pm.

He is weighing in at 20 lbs! He is so chunky and I am absolutely obsessed with his knee rolls! He loves to laugh and giggle and he really is just the happiest! He is still looking so much like Darius but I think he's the most beautiful boy I've ever laid my eyes on!

-Getting his first tooth!

-Time crawling
-Can sit up from any position 

Honestly, things have gotten really easy lately! Teething was challenging, and I know another tooth is right around the corner- but he really is an awesome baby!

I wish I had healed from postpartum depression sooner so I could look back and enjoy Lincoln as a newborn. Instead, I was miserable. And I don't have too many happy thoughts from that time because of that - and that just makes me sad. 

Sunday, March 26, 2017

A Letter to Jordan

It's March 26th, 2017.  It's chilly and dreary today - not like I would have wanted it to be.  I guess yesterday would have made for a perfect first birthday party.  Most people do parties on Saturdays and yesterday was beautiful.  It was a warm 70-75 degrees.  I can only imagine the birthday possibilities I could have had with that weather, especially in March when it's so unlikely.

Dear Jordan,

I have been anticipating this day all year, partially with excitement, partially with worry and a little bit of sadness.  I feel excitement because I enjoy celebrating you.  I know many women who choose to grieve the lost of their babes that they never got to meet differently, and I find nothing wrong in that.  But you are a life worth celebrating.  I don't know if it's because I was lucky enough to hear your heartbeat at just a mere 5 weeks 6 days or if it's just because that's the kind of person I am.  I felt worry with this day approaching.  Worry in mostly that I would forget or miss it - so I wrote it in my planner and put it in my phone.  I didn't want to forget.  And naturally, a feeling of sadness.  As I sit here and write this to you, so many thoughts are going through my head.  Would you have been the little girl I felt as you were the whole time?  Would we really have named you Jordan?  Would you be sweet or a little spicy like your mom and dad.  What would your first birthday look like?  Who would be there to celebrate?  What would my life look like today?

And even though I have these questions running through my head, questions I can't seem to erase, I feel at ease.  For so many reasons, I am thankful for you Jordan.  You have taught me a kind of love and patience I could never have dreamed of having.  You allowed a closeness to form between your dad and I that wasn't there before.  You put more things in perspective for me - like work coming before my family, or dedicating endless hours to a job that doesn't return the dedication.  And although I miss you and still question the purpose of your short time with me, I am thankful.  Thankful that the miscarriage happened because you led me to your brother.  You showed me what it would take for me to become a mommy.  You guided me through that first trimester and let me see what I would have to go through (although just a slight glimpse, a glimpse indeed).  And because of that, I proved to myself that this was something I wanted, and something I wanted badly.  I saw a love in myself I never knew was there and a determination to bring a sweet babe into the world.  Because of you Jordan, Lincoln is now with us.  And because of everything I've learned from the time I spent with you - about love, patience, and understanding that life isn't a guarantee and a heartbeat doesn't mean a forever - I am able to love Lincoln so much that it scares me.  I am aware that life isn't a promise and with that I smother him with kisses and "I love you's".  I have learned patience from you Jordan and although I would have given anything for sleep in the past, in the present I will give up all my sleep to spend just a few more minutes soaking up how tiny and sweet Lincoln is.  With each wake in the middle of the night, I still mumble into his ear "I love you honey" and rock him close to my chest.  With each fit thrown or blown out diaper, I carry him into his room and smile endlessly to let him know that it's all okay.  When days at work are long and exhausting, I find the strength inside me to play just a little bit longer, make choo-choo noises while the spoon comes to his mouth and tickle his tummy and neck with raspberries.

Jordan, I hope you know how much I do love you and how much at one point I wanted all of this to be with you.  But thank you.  Thank you for being such a test in my life.  Thank you for making your presence and then giving yourself to Heaven so that I could one day love Lincoln.  Thank you for teaching me these things that cannot be learned otherwise.  I hope I have made you proud.  I hope I am the mommy that you would have dreamed of and I hope, despite my postpartum depression, that I have shown you immense strength and willpower to never give up on my sweet, little babes.


Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Lincoln's 5 & 6 Month Updates

5 Months-

Around the five month mark is where things started to get REALLY good with having a baby. I felt like we were finally in the groove, finally understood one another and I was finally doing something in my life right. Struggling with postpartum depression is and was no joke, and it may have made this whole mommy thing a little bit of a longer ride for me to adjust to, but I am finally here. And this is the point where I can say... I could have 100 more babies. Not that that's going to happen.... I do love the Duggars but that's just not really my jam.

At five months Lincoln started doing so much more. He is rolling all over the place. He smiles when you look at him. He is "talking" by saying basic sounds such as "b" "d" "m" and he recently discovered he can scream and he thinks it's the funniest thing ever. He loves his mommy but he definitely has a soft spot for his daddy. He has started to notice Gus more and more and makes attempts to grab at him. Gus still isn't feeling it and we're starting to worry that Gus may end up with my mom at some point. That would break our hearts but we also know that Gus loved loved loved being an only child and he needs to learn to adjust.

-Valentine's Day
-Riding forward in the stroller
-Riding forward in the carrier
-Swing ride

-Eating his socks
-Making noises
-Being carried so he can see anything and everything
-Bath time

-Being put down
-Going seconds without food from first initial cry

6 Months-

Six months has been my FAVORITE month of all so far. And my mama heart is breaking inside because I can't seem to understand how this time has gone by so quickly. I feel like I am still recovering from birth (jk jk jk) and now I have a SIX month old?!!?!? I remember when Darius and I used to look at all the clothes in his closet before he was born and gawk at the size of the 6-12 month clothes. And now here he is, at six months already wearing 6-9 month clothes. It's amazing. He has stolen my heart and he has completed my world. I have never ever loved someone like I love my Lincoln. He is my little Linky, my little piggy and life is just so beautiful with him here. I can have the shittiest day at work (which is so typical) and picking him up after a long day makes everything else melt away. No amount of middle of the night wake ups can take away the soft spot I have for him. And knowing that I am not the most patient person, I have even amazed myself with the patience and love I have for this little guy.

He is talking up a storm, sticking out his tongue and wanting to hold everything. Everything I have he wants. Everything he has goes in his mouth. Baby-proofing has finally become a topic of discussion and we have recently looked into selling some of our furniture with hard edges to replace it with things like ottomans and what not. We have also recently bought him some more toys, especially ones that are intricate or play music because he loves that stuff. He's so smart and loves trying to figure things out. He's just learning how to sit up on his own and can for a minute or two - it depends. Sometimes he flops right over and other times he can sit up for a couple of minutes. At exactly six months we made two huge changes! We moved Lincoln into his crib AND started giving him purees. The crib was magical and he has been sleeping so much better since making that move. I have no clue why, but it just works. The purees have been a little more challenging, he doesn't really like to concept of eating so far. He likes playing with the spoon but has quickly noticed that nothing tastes like the milk he normally gets. He did end up like carrots, but we recently tried peas and so far that is a huge NO.

Lincoln, you have made me such a better person in these past six months. I am a stronger, happier woman because of you. You teach me that things are just things and life is short but oh, so sweet. I want to give you the best life and teach you all of the important things. We love you so much!

-Pureed foods
-Sleeping in the crib
-Sitting up

-Hanging out in the high chair at dinner with us
-Going for walks
-Playing with musical toys
-Watching Dora (judge me - I dare you)

-Being left in his exersaucer for too long
-Being patient :)