Lincoln's Nursery

So, this post is actually five months late. But I remember back when I was super pregnant and our nursery basically didn't get finished until the last minute, I was just so tired to even post about it. But now that it's 9pm and I am getting a random spurt of energy, I figured I would do like 100 posts before I hear Lincoln start crying for his first wake up. #letthefunbegin

With that being said, here are some photos from Lincoln's nursery before he was born, before our lives were turned into a shit show, back when we had it all together....

Also, he's five months old and still isn't sleeping in it.  With that being said, having a nursery together before your baby comes it totally overrated. I literally have no idea why I needed that crib so bad. This child has had more sleeping options than I have in my entire life.

Jordan's sonogram picture keeps Lincoln's room company :)

Funny story about the closet doors.. when we bought our house this room had large, heavy, ugly metal doors that didn't slide right or close right and were just a pain. So, I got rid of them thinking that obviously we would get new doors before Lincoln came. Except we didn't and still haven't. And guess what, Lincoln doesn't give two shits.

Also, the owl humidifier and the little owl sound machine are both in OUR room. So clearly, this was all for staging purposes.

If you have any questions on what's what in the room or comments or want to know where something is from, just leave a note for me in the comments :)

Honest Thoughts on CIO/Sleep Training

Mom acronym breakdown - CIO = Cry It Out

Disclaimer - these thoughts are of mine and mine alone (and maybe Darius'). I am not a professional and advise any parent going through sleep deprivation to ask their pediatrician first on what to do.

So at basically exactly four months old Lincoln started to go through sleep regression.  We read about this, heard about it and were TOTALLY prepared for it. Except NOT. Except how do you prepare for sleep regression? I prayed that my baby wouldn't go through it because my baby it totally perfect and unique and would never follow in the tracks of those other babies. Except, he's a baby. And he doesn't give a flying shit what I want - so, sleep regression. To put sleep regression lightly, to those who either did have that baby who didn't torture make their parents go through it, or those parents who aren't there yet or those people who made the wise choice of not having kids - it's like this (again at least it was like this for US) - your baby basically decides out of no where - after 3-ish months of sleeping pretty decently - to out of no where just... stop. And by stop I mean like stop sleeping. And like everything is suddenly a big deal. And suddenly the only place your baby wants to sleep is like... let's say, in the car (when you can't sleep) or on your boob (when you can't sleep) or at the doctor (when you can't sleep).. are you getting the idea? And suddenly you're second guessing your parenting skills. Like maybe the rock n play was a horrible idea. I mean after all, ALL of the internet says it causes a curved spine *insert eye roll emoji*. And so the rock n play is gone and you're all: "maybe the swing?" "maybe the bassinet?" And so then you show up to your four month appointment and your pediatrician who's been doing this for 32 years is all like "Two words: Sleep. Training." And then you have this flashback - the one to when BEFORE you had the baby - and it was something like this:

"I will never, like ever, be one of THOSE parents who let's their baby cry! I mean COME ON! I can sleep when I'm dead." Except, you basically are dying because it's been 3 weeks and you keep calling all your students by the wrong name... and you aren't even sure what your name is.

And then the pediatrician actually gives you the most honest to God advice you've ever heard: "You're a parent now. It's time to start doing things your kid doesn't like."  And you're all, "Touche."

So that night Darius and I went home and started the dreaded, the abusive, the "you are a bad parent!" sleep training. And it worked. Here's how it works for us (as recommended by our pediatrician - you get your own!)

Night 1 - Let said baby cry in five minute increments 3 times with 1 minute of consoling in between. This can mean pick up, rub back, rock, whatever - but not feeding to sleep.

Night 2 - Let said baby cry for 10 minutes 3 times with 1 minute of consoling between.

Night 3 - Let said baby cry for 15 minutes.. you get the point?

So, the first night it took over an hour.  I think it was an hour and a half to be exact. And it was TORTUROUS! It was awful! It hurt our hearts! We cried! YES WE CRIED! We were all crying! Except Gus because he doesn't GAF.  But we kept it up. The next night, Lincoln cried for 30 minutes until it worked. By the third night, 5 minutes! FIVE MINUTES GUYS!  The only issue was, he wouldn't stay asleep. When he would wake up 2-3 hours later, CIO didn't work so well. Especially in the middle of the night when WE were exhausted and didn't want to have to lay there listening to him cry for set periods of time. It was hard. And then, we got sick (Darius and I). So, things took a step back.  And I was sick of hearing my baby cry. And  I was working a lot and only getting 2 hours with Lincoln a night. So, we have changed things. Here is what we do now:

I nurse Lincoln to sleep. Doctors and other moms might slap my wrist for that, but I don't care. I won't be nursing him to sleep for the rest of his life, so I think it's okay for now. Plus, I like it and he likes it. It's serious bonding time for us and I love that. (By the way- I am in NO WAY saying nursing to sleep is the only form of bonding! Bottle feeding, formula feeding, WHATEVER, works too! Lincoln still gets one bottle of formula a day at daycare and I am ALL ABOUT a healthy, fed baby!) He is usually asleep by 7. I put him in his pack n' play. Sometimes he stays asleep (like tonight) and will probably wake around 11. Sometimes he wakes immediately and cries. When he does this, I let him cry in 10 minute increments until the third time when I nurse him back to sleep. Some random nights, nothing works except his swing. So, one of us will sleep on the couch while Lincoln sleeps in his swing. This is rare that he refuses to sleep in his pack n play but it has happened before. In the middle of the night when Lincoln wakes, I bring him to bed to cuddle him and nurse him back to sleep. I put him back in his pack n play until he wakes again.  Right now, he's having 1-2 wakes per night. If  I can tell he's restless and not interested in going back in his pack n play, I bring him downstairs and put him in the swing for the rest of the night and sleep on the couch.

This is the schedule and routine that currently works for us. Overall, I am a believer of CIO. But I get why some people are not, and that's totally fine. You have to do what works for you and your baby. But overall, in the morning Lincoln has no clue what happened and greets me with that big, toothless smile! I do not enjoy letting my sweet boy CIO but I am not against it. We all need sleep and Lincoln DOES need to learn how to fall asleep on his own. Sometimes, he does this well and other times he needs help. At the end of the day, he is still a baby who is only (now) five months old. 

So, if you're a mom out there wondering what to do about the little to none sleep you're getting, maybe talk to your pediatrician about letting them cry it out a bit. If you're totally against it and want to nurse your baby or rock your baby or whatever, then go for it! There will be one day when your sweet babe won't want to nurse or be rocked anymore and that day will kill us. So, for now, I am soaking up all I can get from my sweet boy!

I hope this post has been useful and helpful to moms-to-be or moms going through the torture of sleep training!

Lincoln's 3 & 4 Month Updates

Hello internet world! It feels good to be back! There is no specific reason why I vanished away from this journal of mine - and to be honest, I know exactly what to blame it on.  Work. You may have thought I was going to say Lincoln, when actually he does have a lot to do with it, but work has consumed my life once again.  I went back to work on November 22nd and funny how they say you go back when your baby is 3 months old when in reality it's just 12 exact weeks.  So 12, short exact weeks after giving birth, I found myself unlocking the door to my classroom as though it was any other day.  And it was just any other day... except for the fact that I had to leave my entire heart at home with my sweet boy.  I was lucky that first month I went back to work.  Darius' job is super flexible and allowed him to take leave for a week until his mom came.  And I am SO thankful to have a MIL that I just LOVE because she stayed with us for three weeks.  So, Lincoln (and Gus) were able to enjoy time with their G'ma while Darius and I were shuffling away at our day to day.  And to be honest, it wasn't so bad.  I only shed tears the first day - the kids were super excited to see me back - and overall everyone at work at least acted excited to see me.  I knew he was in safe hands and that felt good.  But something in me has changed.  The overly devoted, long-hour working teacher was gone. And I found myself replaced with this person dedicated to her job, but more dedicated to my little person back at home. I can't put ALL of myself into this anymore when I have other roles to play now.  It's all about balance and I am still working on finding it.  Anyway, I digress.  In January, Darius's mom left and Lincoln started his home daycare.  We are so lucky to have found the family we did.  He is the only baby and there are two other toddlers.  The family is amazing and truly I have no worries. I can see that they love him and he is always fed and happy.

Lincoln has changed me so, so much as a person.  When you're pregnant or considering pregnancy, you know that your life is going to change.  That is clear.  But to what degree, you don't really know yet.  After the loss of Jordan, my world changed.  I felt a love I never knew I could feel.  I was devoted to that tiny being inside of me.  When Lincoln arrived, it all made sense.  It's like HOLY SHIT you are MINE and I am so absorbed in you! As a teacher, I have been lucky enough to actually  be decent at my job.  My students typically perform pretty well, I am capable of building pretty good relationships with them and my observations always seem to be decent. But I never feel good enough. Lincoln is the one thing I know I am good at.  When I have doubts on my day to day, he is my calling.  I know without a doubt that my fulfillment in life is that little boy. I have never been so proud of myself in my entire life-  and I have him to thank for that.

During Lincoln's 3rd and 4th month here, so much has changed. He is now able to roll over on both sides and he is starting to move around a lot.  It's clear he wants to crawl but he can't figure it out.  He smiles constantly and giggles so much when you kiss his belly or his feet.  He is starting to recognize his name and turns whenever he hears our voices.  He is OBSESSED with Dora the Explorer (because YES I put him in front of the TV when I am getting ready in the morning), and he loves his exersaucer and playmat (which he didn't like previously). He's obsessed with nursing and finally enjoys baths (after the initial shock of the water wears off). He is getting more hair but you can't tell unless you're holding him because it's super, super white. His eye shape is more like mine but he totally has his daddy's head shape and ears :) This little boy has rocked my world is more ways than I could ever possibly count.  The sleep comes and goes but I deal with it.  Everyone keeps asking me if he's sleeping through the night yet - and yes at the beginning of the fourth month we went through some SERIOUS sleep deprivation. But with the time I am missing with him during the day, I almost don't mind being awake with him in the middle of the night.  I enjoy when it's just me and my Linky, in the dark silence. nursing him back to sleep. He is now sleeping in his pack n' play in our room as he has officially outgrown the bassinet and the rock n play. Many people may argue that what I am doing isn't right, or I am promoting some sort of reliance on my boob or blablabla. I don't really give a shit and I am not interested in your opinion. I am doing what I know is right for myself, my family and my baby. You do you, I'll do me!

My favorite Christmas gift from my Gigi!

Is there anything better than a naked baby?!

Thanks to Aunt Sandra for my viking hat!

Christmas reality.

14 lbs 11 oz & 25 inches long

15 lbs 5 oz & 26 inches long

Darius' promotion ceremony to TSgt!

Likes:
Grabbing his monkey on his playmat

Pulling off his socks

Putting his hands in his mouth

Rolling over

Being held facing outward

Nursing

Dislikes:
Being sleepy

Putting clothes on over his head (dude get over it!)

Schedule:
Eat, play, eat, play, eat, play, eat, play, sleep.

Features:
He is currently 16 pounds and 26 inches long! He looks so much like Darius still but many people are staring to say he has some of my features!

Milestones:
-Roll from back to tummy and back again

-Finding my feet!

-Putting feet in my mouth!

Firsts:
-Back to tummy roll

-Foot in mouth

Challenges:
Getting him to stay asleep once he is put down by 7.

Thoughts:

I would miss all the sleep in the entire world to hold on to these precious moments while he is still a baby!