Honest Thoughts on CIO/Sleep Training

Mom acronym breakdown - CIO = Cry It Out

Disclaimer - these thoughts are of mine and mine alone (and maybe Darius'). I am not a professional and advise any parent going through sleep deprivation to ask their pediatrician first on what to do.

So at basically exactly four months old Lincoln started to go through sleep regression.  We read about this, heard about it and were TOTALLY prepared for it. Except NOT. Except how do you prepare for sleep regression? I prayed that my baby wouldn't go through it because my baby it totally perfect and unique and would never follow in the tracks of those other babies. Except, he's a baby. And he doesn't give a flying shit what I want - so, sleep regression. To put sleep regression lightly, to those who either did have that baby who didn't torture make their parents go through it, or those parents who aren't there yet or those people who made the wise choice of not having kids - it's like this (again at least it was like this for US) - your baby basically decides out of no where - after 3-ish months of sleeping pretty decently - to out of no where just... stop. And by stop I mean like stop sleeping. And like everything is suddenly a big deal. And suddenly the only place your baby wants to sleep is like... let's say, in the car (when you can't sleep) or on your boob (when you can't sleep) or at the doctor (when you can't sleep).. are you getting the idea? And suddenly you're second guessing your parenting skills. Like maybe the rock n play was a horrible idea. I mean after all, ALL of the internet says it causes a curved spine *insert eye roll emoji*. And so the rock n play is gone and you're all: "maybe the swing?" "maybe the bassinet?" And so then you show up to your four month appointment and your pediatrician who's been doing this for 32 years is all like "Two words: Sleep. Training." And then you have this flashback - the one to when BEFORE you had the baby - and it was something like this:

"I will never, like ever, be one of THOSE parents who let's their baby cry! I mean COME ON! I can sleep when I'm dead." Except, you basically are dying because it's been 3 weeks and you keep calling all your students by the wrong name... and you aren't even sure what your name is.

And then the pediatrician actually gives you the most honest to God advice you've ever heard: "You're a parent now. It's time to start doing things your kid doesn't like."  And you're all, "Touche."

So that night Darius and I went home and started the dreaded, the abusive, the "you are a bad parent!" sleep training. And it worked. Here's how it works for us (as recommended by our pediatrician - you get your own!)

Night 1 - Let said baby cry in five minute increments 3 times with 1 minute of consoling in between. This can mean pick up, rub back, rock, whatever - but not feeding to sleep.

Night 2 - Let said baby cry for 10 minutes 3 times with 1 minute of consoling between.

Night 3 - Let said baby cry for 15 minutes.. you get the point?

So, the first night it took over an hour.  I think it was an hour and a half to be exact. And it was TORTUROUS! It was awful! It hurt our hearts! We cried! YES WE CRIED! We were all crying! Except Gus because he doesn't GAF.  But we kept it up. The next night, Lincoln cried for 30 minutes until it worked. By the third night, 5 minutes! FIVE MINUTES GUYS!  The only issue was, he wouldn't stay asleep. When he would wake up 2-3 hours later, CIO didn't work so well. Especially in the middle of the night when WE were exhausted and didn't want to have to lay there listening to him cry for set periods of time. It was hard. And then, we got sick (Darius and I). So, things took a step back.  And I was sick of hearing my baby cry. And  I was working a lot and only getting 2 hours with Lincoln a night. So, we have changed things. Here is what we do now:

I nurse Lincoln to sleep. Doctors and other moms might slap my wrist for that, but I don't care. I won't be nursing him to sleep for the rest of his life, so I think it's okay for now. Plus, I like it and he likes it. It's serious bonding time for us and I love that. (By the way- I am in NO WAY saying nursing to sleep is the only form of bonding! Bottle feeding, formula feeding, WHATEVER, works too! Lincoln still gets one bottle of formula a day at daycare and I am ALL ABOUT a healthy, fed baby!) He is usually asleep by 7. I put him in his pack n' play. Sometimes he stays asleep (like tonight) and will probably wake around 11. Sometimes he wakes immediately and cries. When he does this, I let him cry in 10 minute increments until the third time when I nurse him back to sleep. Some random nights, nothing works except his swing. So, one of us will sleep on the couch while Lincoln sleeps in his swing. This is rare that he refuses to sleep in his pack n play but it has happened before. In the middle of the night when Lincoln wakes, I bring him to bed to cuddle him and nurse him back to sleep. I put him back in his pack n play until he wakes again.  Right now, he's having 1-2 wakes per night. If  I can tell he's restless and not interested in going back in his pack n play, I bring him downstairs and put him in the swing for the rest of the night and sleep on the couch.

This is the schedule and routine that currently works for us. Overall, I am a believer of CIO. But I get why some people are not, and that's totally fine. You have to do what works for you and your baby. But overall, in the morning Lincoln has no clue what happened and greets me with that big, toothless smile! I do not enjoy letting my sweet boy CIO but I am not against it. We all need sleep and Lincoln DOES need to learn how to fall asleep on his own. Sometimes, he does this well and other times he needs help. At the end of the day, he is still a baby who is only (now) five months old. 

So, if you're a mom out there wondering what to do about the little to none sleep you're getting, maybe talk to your pediatrician about letting them cry it out a bit. If you're totally against it and want to nurse your baby or rock your baby or whatever, then go for it! There will be one day when your sweet babe won't want to nurse or be rocked anymore and that day will kill us. So, for now, I am soaking up all I can get from my sweet boy!

I hope this post has been useful and helpful to moms-to-be or moms going through the torture of sleep training!

Lincoln's 3 & 4 Month Updates

Hello internet world! It feels good to be back! There is no specific reason why I vanished away from this journal of mine - and to be honest, I know exactly what to blame it on.  Work. You may have thought I was going to say Lincoln, when actually he does have a lot to do with it, but work has consumed my life once again.  I went back to work on November 22nd and funny how they say you go back when your baby is 3 months old when in reality it's just 12 exact weeks.  So 12, short exact weeks after giving birth, I found myself unlocking the door to my classroom as though it was any other day.  And it was just any other day... except for the fact that I had to leave my entire heart at home with my sweet boy.  I was lucky that first month I went back to work.  Darius' job is super flexible and allowed him to take leave for a week until his mom came.  And I am SO thankful to have a MIL that I just LOVE because she stayed with us for three weeks.  So, Lincoln (and Gus) were able to enjoy time with their G'ma while Darius and I were shuffling away at our day to day.  And to be honest, it wasn't so bad.  I only shed tears the first day - the kids were super excited to see me back - and overall everyone at work at least acted excited to see me.  I knew he was in safe hands and that felt good.  But something in me has changed.  The overly devoted, long-hour working teacher was gone. And I found myself replaced with this person dedicated to her job, but more dedicated to my little person back at home. I can't put ALL of myself into this anymore when I have other roles to play now.  It's all about balance and I am still working on finding it.  Anyway, I digress.  In January, Darius's mom left and Lincoln started his home daycare.  We are so lucky to have found the family we did.  He is the only baby and there are two other toddlers.  The family is amazing and truly I have no worries. I can see that they love him and he is always fed and happy.

Lincoln has changed me so, so much as a person.  When you're pregnant or considering pregnancy, you know that your life is going to change.  That is clear.  But to what degree, you don't really know yet.  After the loss of Jordan, my world changed.  I felt a love I never knew I could feel.  I was devoted to that tiny being inside of me.  When Lincoln arrived, it all made sense.  It's like HOLY SHIT you are MINE and I am so absorbed in you! As a teacher, I have been lucky enough to actually  be decent at my job.  My students typically perform pretty well, I am capable of building pretty good relationships with them and my observations always seem to be decent. But I never feel good enough. Lincoln is the one thing I know I am good at.  When I have doubts on my day to day, he is my calling.  I know without a doubt that my fulfillment in life is that little boy. I have never been so proud of myself in my entire life-  and I have him to thank for that.

During Lincoln's 3rd and 4th month here, so much has changed. He is now able to roll over on both sides and he is starting to move around a lot.  It's clear he wants to crawl but he can't figure it out.  He smiles constantly and giggles so much when you kiss his belly or his feet.  He is starting to recognize his name and turns whenever he hears our voices.  He is OBSESSED with Dora the Explorer (because YES I put him in front of the TV when I am getting ready in the morning), and he loves his exersaucer and playmat (which he didn't like previously). He's obsessed with nursing and finally enjoys baths (after the initial shock of the water wears off). He is getting more hair but you can't tell unless you're holding him because it's super, super white. His eye shape is more like mine but he totally has his daddy's head shape and ears :) This little boy has rocked my world is more ways than I could ever possibly count.  The sleep comes and goes but I deal with it.  Everyone keeps asking me if he's sleeping through the night yet - and yes at the beginning of the fourth month we went through some SERIOUS sleep deprivation. But with the time I am missing with him during the day, I almost don't mind being awake with him in the middle of the night.  I enjoy when it's just me and my Linky, in the dark silence. nursing him back to sleep. He is now sleeping in his pack n' play in our room as he has officially outgrown the bassinet and the rock n play. Many people may argue that what I am doing isn't right, or I am promoting some sort of reliance on my boob or blablabla. I don't really give a shit and I am not interested in your opinion. I am doing what I know is right for myself, my family and my baby. You do you, I'll do me!

My favorite Christmas gift from my Gigi!

Is there anything better than a naked baby?!

Thanks to Aunt Sandra for my viking hat!

Christmas reality.

14 lbs 11 oz & 25 inches long

15 lbs 5 oz & 26 inches long

Darius' promotion ceremony to TSgt!

Likes:
Grabbing his monkey on his playmat

Pulling off his socks

Putting his hands in his mouth

Rolling over

Being held facing outward

Nursing

Dislikes:
Being sleepy

Putting clothes on over his head (dude get over it!)

Schedule:
Eat, play, eat, play, eat, play, eat, play, sleep.

Features:
He is currently 16 pounds and 26 inches long! He looks so much like Darius still but many people are staring to say he has some of my features!

Milestones:
-Roll from back to tummy and back again

-Finding my feet!

-Putting feet in my mouth!

Firsts:
-Back to tummy roll

-Foot in mouth

Challenges:
Getting him to stay asleep once he is put down by 7.

Thoughts:

I would miss all the sleep in the entire world to hold on to these precious moments while he is still a baby!

Lincoln's 1 & 2 Month Updates

As I have always in my blog, I strive to be honest, real and raw.  I don't want to sugar coat my life as a mom, or a wife or a teacher or anything.  I may not be the finest at keeping up to date with this little personal journal of mine that I share with the world, but when I do write I want it to be worth it.  I want someone out there to go "YES! THAT IS ME!" With that being said, I have been mentally writing my postpartum story for quite some time now, but this isn't about that. It is coming though. In the meantime, I will give you my honest story behind Lincoln's first two months with us!  Enjoy.

Motherhood is a whirlwind.  The first few days and weeks crawl by at an agonizingly slow pace.  Those first weeks were spent trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do with this tiny being, spent trying to figure out who I am as a mother, spent trying to figure out how to be a wife to my husband, spent trying anything and everything to feel some sense of normal in this entirely new life.  And in all that wishing I did, wanting it to be "just a few weeks from now," my baby turned one month.  And then he did it again, and turned two months.  And in those short sixty days I spent with this amazing, fantastic, energetic little man - I have fallen so, so in love.  So if there's anyone out there wondering if it will be possible for you to love your baby harder than your significant other, harder than yourself or your career or whatever you boast as your finest love - it IS possible and it WILL happen.  Motherhood ain't easy - but sweet God, it sure is worth it.

Lincoln's first month with us was beyond a struggle for me.  I don't do well with change, it's just who I am. I should have expected to be almost traumatized by his coming home, but instead I swore I would have all those lovey feelings movies, books, my Facebook "friend" moms & social media swear I would have. But, it wasn't like that for me.  Not. Even. Close. I told Darius, "this is your only child you're getting from me, so I hope you like him!"  And boy, I meant it!  I meant it so hard!  I never wanted to go through pregnancy/labor/delivery/recovery/newborn life ever, ever again. I wanted my old life back. I wanted Lincoln but I also wanted sleep.  I wanted Lincoln but I also wanted to feel normal in my marriage again.  I wanted Lincoln but I also wanted to stop feeling paranoid all hours of the day.  And looking back, I had it so easy!  Lincoln is a fantastic baby!  He cries of course, but he's easy to soothe.  He wants to be fed, or have a diaper change or go for a walk or car ride.

One of the first real smiles from Lincoln.

Three generations of Cross.

The first month he ate about every 1-2 hours and that wasn't easy for either of us. Breastfeeding was beyond a difficult journey for me - and it's still something I struggle with. It is painful. It is exhausting. It is time consuming and on demand. I experienced great guilt when it came to how I would feed Lincoln.  I wanted terribly to give up and reached out to many of my friends hoping they would tell me to formula feed him.  And many, many did!  But yet, I still couldn't bear the thought of being a "bad mother" who just "gave up" on her baby. And finally, the first two weeks home, I snapped. Pumping hurt. Showering hurt. Putting on shirts hurt. My nipples were so sore, cracked and bleeding that I couldn't take it anymore. More bottles were given to Lincoln filled with that "poison" that even a pediatrician gave me a stank face for.  More pamphlets about breastfeeding support were shoved down my throat. More tears were shed and I reached my breaking point - I needed to see MY doctor. I remember when I saw her, I fell into her arms. I cried and cried and she soothed me like her own baby. "Give him the damn bottle!"  Those five little words really did something for me. Little did I know, she and many of my doctors I saw throughout pregnancy never breastfed! A boulder was lifted off my shoulders and I could see some light.  But, the guilt never went away. I forced myself to breastfeed and struggled through the pain.  I can't remember at what point, it had to have been around 3-4 weeks things just changed.  My body stopped hurting, and Lincoln and I really began to understand one another.  He was latching so well and I was actually beginning to enjoy it a bit. Looking into his eyes while we have that intimate bond is absolutely indescribable.  But, at the same time, when I feed him bottles that same bond still exists.  So please, for new moms, moms-to-be - breastfeeding isn't easy for most! You may want to give up like me! You may be feeling guilt right now! I'll be the first to admit I hated it! So my advice to you, keep trying and it probably will get better BUT if you're ready to move on then give them the damn bottle! That powder gold will feed your sweet baby, make him strong and smart and capable of anything and everything that a breastfed baby is. With that being said, Lincoln gets about 1-2 bottles a day. He always gets one at night around 9pm to fill up his belly and it lets him sleep longer.  The first month Lincoln was asleep by 11pm and woke every 2-3 hours to eat or have a diaper change.

I also struggled a lot with how Lincoln would sleep.  When we got home, I assumed my baby would sleep perfectly in his bassinet that was bought specifically for the purpose of sleep. It didn't happen - and still hasn't.  Lincoln HATES being swaddled and hated being on his back.  The first two weeks, he only slept on my or Darius's chest while we slept on the recliner surrounded by pillows. Eventually, we gave in and with the help from many of my friends, he slept in this Rock n' Play which I SWEAR BY and he still sleeps in this today!

In his first month, Lincoln showed us many likes and dislikes.  He loves car rides, being naked, his swing and rock n' play, and just laying on the changing table. He strongly dislikes baths, his pacifier (which freaking SUCKS for me), being hungry for longer than a half second he's been crying and changing his diaper.

He clearly looks just like Darius with piercing blue eyes, blonde hair and that square jaw.  We do believe he has my larger eye shape, my lips and mouth.  He also has my toes in the ability to spread them wide and move them all around.

In the first month, Lincoln's pediatrician was so proud of him!  He is trying to roll from his belly to his back and smiles when you smile at him! We are so proud of him!


Lincoln had many fantastic firsts in his first month with us!  He had his first outing to a restaurant with my father-in-law and his wife.  With their support, we felt confident we would survive this and not be humiliated by our little baby. Lincoln did great and was fed a bottle when he woke up! He also had his first car ride, doctors appointment, photoshoot for his newborn pictures, walk and bath.  In the first month, everything was a first so this list could be endless!

Expectations...

Reality.

At one month Lincoln is - 9 lbs. 10 oz and 22 1/4 inches long!

Now, we have moved into month two.  Month two was when things began to click with myself as a mother.  The first month was an all around struggle and learning experience.  I am looking forward to speaking more about that in my postpartum story. But in month two, the idea of one child slowly began to fade away as suddenly I "got it" and totally "forgot" all the misery of pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery.  This isn't to say there's another Cross in the near future, because there isn't.  I'm just saying, my hormones settled and I am hopeful one day Lincoln will have a partner in crime.

Lincoln truly does show changes daily.  At one point, he started to hate the rocking motion on his rock n' play and would only sleep in it if it was off.  A week later, he wanted it to be rocking again.  Another huge change was his love for his swing.  He really didn't like it too much the first month, but now it's what we use to soothe him when he's super sleepy and it's what he falls asleep in before we move him to his rock n' play. The swing is truly a life saver.  Lincoln loves looking at fans when their on and lights.  His eye sight is getting better (the doctor said about 20/50) so he's seeing more and more.  The second month was also so exciting because he began to smile.. a lot.. and he smiles with the purpose to make us smile at him.  If anyone is currently on the struggle bus like I was, just hold on because it's about to get real exciting!  When Lincoln smiles, my heart melts every single time and it makes this whole parenting - lack of sleep - thing all worth it.  He also really enjoys baths now especially when he sprinkle the water on his belly.  He doesn't like being cold, having his clothes changed, his pacifier (this still sucks for me).  He also loses his mind real quick when he's hungry and I don't have the boob or bottle quite ready for him. Car rides are still a life saver and anytime I want him to take a nap I just put him in the car and off we go! Although, getting him in his car seat is something he definitely can't stand.

People ask me about his schedule and I just laugh.  What schedule?  Some things are regulated but day to day it could be totally different.  His day schedule is up in the air and I still haven't quite figured it out.  He doesn't nap typically which is really frustrating because he will be so sleepy but use my boob as a pacifier since he will not take a paci (and trust me I've tried 5-6 types). So at night he is always asleep between 9:30-10:30.  Then, I move him to his rock n' play.  He will typically sleep until 3-4am but sometimes he loves me so much he'll sleep until 5am.  He eats for about 20-30 minutes when he wakes and then he's back to sleep.  From there, he usually wakes at 6am and then 7am.  At 7am, sometimes after eating he will sleep again until 9-10am or sometimes he's just up for the day!

Lincoln and Dr. Esposito - who delivered him :)

Lincoln has more and more hair coming in and it's starting to become a dirty blonde.  His eyes are clearly so blue and his cheeks and thighs are just chunky as ever!

This month, Lincoln had his first set of real vaccinations which was a horrible disaster.  He got four medications and ended up having sore little legs the rest of the day which made him very fussy and sad.  He also is officially in 3 month clothes with some 0-3 months still fitting.  Lincoln went on his first stroller run with Darius and I which is really loved and slept the whole time (the whole 8 minutes I could run). He also celebrated his first real holiday - Happy Halloween, Lincoln!

First trip to Jumbo's Pumpkin Patch - our family tradition.

My new mom-mobile. We bought a 2017 Dodge Journey! Lincoln's car seat was sitting up against the front seats and there just wasn't any room left. We upgraded and I couldn't be happier!

Lincoln officially can roll from his belly to his back after doing tummy time!  He also initiates smiles which is important at his age. Lately, he's been trying hard to laugh and coos all the time!  It's so fun hearing him try to communicate with us.

I don't believe there have been too many challenges this month.  Lincoln has had a few episodes of colic which makes for a pretty miserable day.  When this happens, he eats and scream cries the entire day.  It's frustrating but it hasn't been consistent.  I am also starting to get exhausted from his sleep schedule especially since he doesn't nap during the day unless we're out and about.  I am looking forward to him sleeping in longer stints through the night so this mama can actually feel well rested for once!

Happy 2 months my sweet boy!
11 lbs 10.5 oz and 23 1/4 inches long!