Lincoln's 3 & 4 Month Updates

Hello internet world! It feels good to be back! There is no specific reason why I vanished away from this journal of mine - and to be honest, I know exactly what to blame it on.  Work. You may have thought I was going to say Lincoln, when actually he does have a lot to do with it, but work has consumed my life once again.  I went back to work on November 22nd and funny how they say you go back when your baby is 3 months old when in reality it's just 12 exact weeks.  So 12, short exact weeks after giving birth, I found myself unlocking the door to my classroom as though it was any other day.  And it was just any other day... except for the fact that I had to leave my entire heart at home with my sweet boy.  I was lucky that first month I went back to work.  Darius' job is super flexible and allowed him to take leave for a week until his mom came.  And I am SO thankful to have a MIL that I just LOVE because she stayed with us for three weeks.  So, Lincoln (and Gus) were able to enjoy time with their G'ma while Darius and I were shuffling away at our day to day.  And to be honest, it wasn't so bad.  I only shed tears the first day - the kids were super excited to see me back - and overall everyone at work at least acted excited to see me.  I knew he was in safe hands and that felt good.  But something in me has changed.  The overly devoted, long-hour working teacher was gone. And I found myself replaced with this person dedicated to her job, but more dedicated to my little person back at home. I can't put ALL of myself into this anymore when I have other roles to play now.  It's all about balance and I am still working on finding it.  Anyway, I digress.  In January, Darius's mom left and Lincoln started his home daycare.  We are so lucky to have found the family we did.  He is the only baby and there are two other toddlers.  The family is amazing and truly I have no worries. I can see that they love him and he is always fed and happy.

Lincoln has changed me so, so much as a person.  When you're pregnant or considering pregnancy, you know that your life is going to change.  That is clear.  But to what degree, you don't really know yet.  After the loss of Jordan, my world changed.  I felt a love I never knew I could feel.  I was devoted to that tiny being inside of me.  When Lincoln arrived, it all made sense.  It's like HOLY SHIT you are MINE and I am so absorbed in you! As a teacher, I have been lucky enough to actually  be decent at my job.  My students typically perform pretty well, I am capable of building pretty good relationships with them and my observations always seem to be decent. But I never feel good enough. Lincoln is the one thing I know I am good at.  When I have doubts on my day to day, he is my calling.  I know without a doubt that my fulfillment in life is that little boy. I have never been so proud of myself in my entire life-  and I have him to thank for that.

During Lincoln's 3rd and 4th month here, so much has changed. He is now able to roll over on both sides and he is starting to move around a lot.  It's clear he wants to crawl but he can't figure it out.  He smiles constantly and giggles so much when you kiss his belly or his feet.  He is starting to recognize his name and turns whenever he hears our voices.  He is OBSESSED with Dora the Explorer (because YES I put him in front of the TV when I am getting ready in the morning), and he loves his exersaucer and playmat (which he didn't like previously). He's obsessed with nursing and finally enjoys baths (after the initial shock of the water wears off). He is getting more hair but you can't tell unless you're holding him because it's super, super white. His eye shape is more like mine but he totally has his daddy's head shape and ears :) This little boy has rocked my world is more ways than I could ever possibly count.  The sleep comes and goes but I deal with it.  Everyone keeps asking me if he's sleeping through the night yet - and yes at the beginning of the fourth month we went through some SERIOUS sleep deprivation. But with the time I am missing with him during the day, I almost don't mind being awake with him in the middle of the night.  I enjoy when it's just me and my Linky, in the dark silence. nursing him back to sleep. He is now sleeping in his pack n' play in our room as he has officially outgrown the bassinet and the rock n play. Many people may argue that what I am doing isn't right, or I am promoting some sort of reliance on my boob or blablabla. I don't really give a shit and I am not interested in your opinion. I am doing what I know is right for myself, my family and my baby. You do you, I'll do me!

My favorite Christmas gift from my Gigi!

Is there anything better than a naked baby?!

Thanks to Aunt Sandra for my viking hat!

Christmas reality.

14 lbs 11 oz & 25 inches long

15 lbs 5 oz & 26 inches long

Darius' promotion ceremony to TSgt!

Likes:
Grabbing his monkey on his playmat

Pulling off his socks

Putting his hands in his mouth

Rolling over

Being held facing outward

Nursing

Dislikes:
Being sleepy

Putting clothes on over his head (dude get over it!)

Schedule:
Eat, play, eat, play, eat, play, eat, play, sleep.

Features:
He is currently 16 pounds and 26 inches long! He looks so much like Darius still but many people are staring to say he has some of my features!

Milestones:
-Roll from back to tummy and back again

-Finding my feet!

-Putting feet in my mouth!

Firsts:
-Back to tummy roll

-Foot in mouth

Challenges:
Getting him to stay asleep once he is put down by 7.

Thoughts:

I would miss all the sleep in the entire world to hold on to these precious moments while he is still a baby!