9 Weeks

Okay, I fully admit that so far, I have been horrible about keeping an update week by week.  I think it's my subconscious just being worried about the possibility of losing this baby too.  I'm remaining as optimistic as possible, but you can't help but worry.  I think that is what is preventing me from the weekly bump and general updates.

But, we have great news!  We originally heard our baby's heartbeat at 5 weeks due to my miscarriage.  The baby had a strong heartbeat that early of 102 (seems low in general but for being that early, that's excellent!).  We had another ultrasound at 8 weeks and I held my breath.  I was so, so anxious and just waiting for the horrible news.  But then, I could SEE the flicker!  And that baby had a heartbeat of 162!  She measured it's heart rate three times and it went between 162, 157 and 159.  All of which were F-ING AWESOME!  I cried so many happy tears as Darius squeezed my hand.  It was amazing to see how that little bean had gone from a bright white spot to an actual blurry form.

I will be 10 weeks on Wednesday (so currently this post is 9w4d) and I have another appointment on Tuesday for a general checkup.  I will be 9w6d at that point.  Darius and I are feeling 100x better about this pregnancy than the last, but we will be waiting until 12 weeks to make an announcement to the rest of our friends (and we all know, the rest of the world).  I have yet to begin purchasing any baby stuff, and if you have been through a miscarriage you would totally understand.  There's a little hesitation in everything.  BUT I did purchase a Belly Band (to help hold up your pre-pregnancy clothes) because I am definitely showing!  No, obviously not a nice, hard baby bump... we all know it's a mixture of bloat and an expanding uterus.  Fun fact: my uterus is now the size of a grapefruit!

A bloaty baby bump at 8 1/2 weeks.

Our baby Cross at 8 weeks.  We think the arrows are pointing towards the head, arm buds and little rump :)

How far along? 9 weeks 4 days

Maternity clothes? Not completely, but have purchased a belly band because I have heard from several friends that there's a bump!

Stretch marks? No!  - purchased some Burts Bees mama butter which had ahhhmaaazzinnng reviews!

Sleep: Weird dreams have been popping up all over!  The worst was my ex-best-friend, Katie (who cut ties with me after I told her about my last pregnancy - yeah, great friend), she was in one of my dreams and I woke up all sweaty and confused.

Best moment(s) this week: Having a week off of school due to the blizzard was so nice because mama has been feeling ROUGH.

Miss Anything? Enjoying a nice glass of wine with my hubby.

Movement: No

Food cravings: Nothing in particular.  

Anything making you queasy or sick: Everything. But, definitely all meat. And my dogs breath. And the smell of coffee.

Gender: UGH! I don't know! I had dreams it was a girl recently.

Labor Signs: No

Symptoms: Let the list begin: sore breasts, nausea constantly (mostly at night), vomiting at night (about every other day), EXHAUSTION (like I go pee and could take a nap), random feeling of ravished hunger.

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On  

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty much both. Darius would probably say mostly moody.  I cried the other night about how we haven't had a "sexy, romantic night" in quite some time.  When I say cried I mean bawled for hours.

Looking forward to: A happy, healthy checkup on Tuesday!

What's happening in Week 5

This pregnancy has already raised a lot of concern for me.  A lot of people would say I am lucky, but considering I have one pregnancy to go off of,  I am very confused about the differences in my symptoms.  Last time, I was sick and totally exhausted early on.  There were days I would lie on the couch with a pillow over my head and just sleep the day away.  Now, I feel... GREAT!  I can't explain why I think that's bad.  I guess having a lack of pregnancy symptoms is making me nervous. I see a doctor on Tuesday for my 6 week (really 5w6d) ultrasound appointment and I am so anxious about it.  I want that room to give me good feelings, but last time I was there I had horrible news. Everyone tells me each pregnancy is different, so I am taking those thoughts in stride.

Along with reaching week 5, Darius and I closed on our first home last week!  It is the best little first-time home in the world!  It has the perfect amount of fixing-up to do.  I didn't want to take on a house that required a lot of projects because that's just not in the budget.  I also didn't want something totally perfect because then I would feel like I can't make it my own.  Our house is perfect!  We have been in the process of painting and getting it all ready over winter break.  I am so excited to move on Saturday into our first home!  I know Gus is excited too! ;)  Also, it thrills me knowing I have a room to make into a nursery!  This is something I've always dreamed of!  I can't wait! :)

Tomorrow is back to work and to say I am dreading it is an understatement.  I absolutely love teaching but going into the career, I had no idea the amount of politics hidden behind it.  It's that kind of stuff that makes you feel like it's not worth it.  But, for every once in a while to have those precious moments with the kids makes it worth it again.  It's a hard job to explain, but I know the teachers out there reading truly understand.

Let's get on to the weekly questions:

How far along? 5 weeks 4 days

Maternity clothes? Still no, but I am getting bloaty a lot quicker this time around -_-

Stretch marks? No!  *praying*

Sleep: Slept great over break, but I can guarantee I won't tonight with back to work tomorrow.

Best moment(s) this week: Closing on our first home!

Miss Anything? A margarita to go with my mexican food when we celebrated our house.

Movement: No

Food cravings: Olives... green olives.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Smells are starting to get to me a bit.

Gender: Mama instincts say a boy.

Labor Signs: No

Symptoms: Awfully tender boobs, "preggo brain", bloating, cramps off and on, exhaustion, sensitive to some smells...

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On  

Happy or Moody most of the time: A strong mixture of both.  Buying the house has definitely set off my stress level.

Looking forward to: God willing, hearing that heartbeat on Tuesday!

Rainbow Baby!!!

The title alone should say it all!  WE ARE PREGNANT!  I could not think of a more perfect Christmas gift!  Darius and I are thrilled to announce we are expecting our (God willing) rainbow baby on August 31, 2016.  I know it has been a while since I have posted, so let me back track a bit.

After the loss of Jordan, our first baby, I stopped blogging.  It became too painful to visit this site and I honestly did not know what else to talk about.  Work?  Nah, not too interesting.  Trying again?  We weren't really that sure.  House hunting?  Overwhelming!

Returning to work was difficult but it definitely helped get my mind off of things and everything seemed to be returning to normal.  Darius and I discussed trying again ASAP - and for a while that was the plan.  My period returned quickly after my D&C (sorry if TMI) which was wonderful to have my body regulating itself again.  After talking about it with Darius we agreed to put things on hold for a bit.  We had been looking all over to purchase a home, save money, and get ourselves back on our feet.  Except the problem was, that the mommy-gene was in me - and it needed a baby.  Many prayers to God and thoughts about seeking counseling came and went for a few months.  The mommy-urge grew stronger around Thanksgiving.  I'm not really sure why, I am guessing it's because the pain had subsided more and I WANTED THIS.  Darius did too, but he has always been the logical thinker of us both and he wanted to do things the "right way."


But back to the baby stuff.  I guess Darius and I started to just let it all happen.  We stopped thinking, we started having fun.  And one weekend with a few glasses of wine, our rainbow baby was made!  I think I knew about 10 DPO that I was pregnant. I refused to take any tests and on December 22nd (2 days before my period) , I showed a HUGE BFP! I started having symptoms QUICKLY!  Back pain hit real quick and real hard! This, followed by a rise in my body temperature. We were at my dad's for dinner and I was burning up. I kept having to go outside to cool down which is soooo unlike me! I just knew.   I've had none of the same symptoms as my first pregnancy which has been quite unique to track (first time around I had horribleeeee breast tenderness and immediate nausea).  During this pregnancy my goal is to: stay healthy, be positive, force myself to eat when I feel like I can't and surround myself with positive energy! :)

Merry Christmas from me and my poppy seed!

How far along? 4 weeks

Maternity clothes? Not yet but I am honestly looking forward to it!

Stretch marks? No!

Sleep: I have been sleeping so, so well!

Best moment(s) this week: Finding out I am pregnant!

Miss Anything? A good Pinot!

Movement: No

Food cravings: Not yet!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not yet and I am holding on to that!

Gender: Thinking it's a boy this time!

Labor Signs: No

Symptoms: Back pain!

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On  

Happy or Moody most of the time: Definitely happier this time around.

Looking forward to: First Christmas as hubby and wifey!